I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
