how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
