see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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