You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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