Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
