i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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