We're like a lot better than the average bears
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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