If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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