I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
