Nicole vs. Life
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
