I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
