So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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