why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
