She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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