its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
