i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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