I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
