Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
