I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
