She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Randomize
