If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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