Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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