I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
