I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
