mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
