Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize