let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
