My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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