I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
