Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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