So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
