i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
