Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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