Please, let me fuck your mom
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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