Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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