Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
