Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
