dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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