Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
