I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
