We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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