i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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