Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
