I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
