I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
