They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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