can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
