in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
