YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize