He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize