dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
