on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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