This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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