peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
