Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
