in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
