Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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