Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
