you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
