I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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