so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize