Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize