I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize