Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You're like the curious george of whores
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
