Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Im part way to drunk.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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