I wish my penis had an off switch
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
