you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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