I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
