You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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