I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
