One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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